Note

This is a suicide note I found this morning. It is my handwriting:

Tohubohu

This is how I see the world.

My best friend showed his true colors all of his life, knowing many would not understand and some would persecute him. Recently he has finally been feeling free. Now his confidence was shattered and he sees danger from every side.

The new implants I had installed are acting up. I feel someone else’s eyes seeing what I’m seeing. Private moments, sacred moments. I notice it in the little things. Details I’ve seen a thousand times that I’m focusing on. I wish I had never installed them.

There was a report in the news yesterday about a 12 year old girl who ODed on memory stims. Barely a mention of the child, most of the content focused on the specs of the hardware.

I am on the brink. There are no supports to the left or right of me. Below there is the obvious, safe and easy choice. Death. No consequences, no pain, no suffering. On the other hand there is no hope, no dreams, no progression.

Behind me is the hard choice. To make a difference. To create justice for those who cannot do it for themselves. To stand and be heard. This is a long, painful and terrible choice. Others will suffer for the greater good. I will suffer.

I’m going to jump.

I don’t remember writing this. . .